GUILT- the Insidious and Persistent Obstacle to Happiness and Fulfillment

How are you doing these days in manifesting that beautiful dream of yours? 

Many people I work with, say they don’t know what they want…while others have a dream they would love to create and manifest. Sometimes they struggle to make it happen, often coming away feeling disappointed when things don’t go the way they would like. Then in letting go of the disappointment, they let go of the dream and become disbelievers, posing disempowering questions such as, why do others have all the luck? Why can’t I have what I want? Maybe I don’t have what it takes…

            Maybe deep down inside we often don’t believe we deserve… love, fulfillment, happiness, success. We judge our desires harshly as if we didn’t have the right to have them. Perhaps unconsciously we radiate fear, in the form of anger, jealousy, or victimization; these feelings are always fueled by the ego’s nefarious messenger, guilt… guilt for the selfishness of our desires, or fear of possible failure for stepping into a place of power. The loud, invective inner voice of criticism shouts, ”Who are you to step up and go for what you want? What makes you so deserving?” 

            This inner victimizer is particularly strong for people who have suffered belittlement, shaming, powerlessness and abuse in all forms, which doesn’t leave a lot of unscathed, fortunate individuals since we’ve all suffered shaming and guilt trips of one kind or another. This is unfortunately the way of the world, from families right down to religious organizations, who use guilt and fear to get us to tow the proverbial “party line” and do as we are told.

·        What if our birthright were to live happy, fulfilled, powerful lives, and we have actually been born to realize a life purpose that only we can embody.

·        What if desire was something to celebrate, to motivate us to grow and evolve, nature’s very calling… evolution, growth and development?

·        What if desires actually lead us along a path to fulfilling life purpose and there is no need to judge them, nor reason to give into the illusion of unworthiness or undeserving?

What if the inner critic we all have, is merely a messenger of the ego’s teaching of fear and guilt, designed to keep us small and in line? Have you ever noticed how loud and persistent it can be? “I fear the lady doth protest too much, me thinks…” (Hamlet)

      So let us not bow down to aggressive, demeaning voices of guilt and fear in whatever form they take in our lives. If you’ve put your dream on hold, I challenge you to bring it back to the forefront and learn to tell the baying hounds of unworthiness that they are full of……..(whatever invective feels right-you choose)!

If this feels a little daunting, like what if it’s true I'm not worthy or up to whatever it is I want, then perhaps you need a little practice in believing seemingly impossible things. (The queen in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland said, “I always believed in at least 6 impossible things before breakfast…”)

     

 It takes awareness and practice, and a group of like-minded people helps; I invite you to join me and other courageous, ready-to-create dream manifesters, November 19^th and December 3^rd for my eye-opening online workshop, Guilt to Q.U.I.L.T.: Living Freely and Fully to help you speak up to that persistent, nefarious voice that tries to run the show in your personal, professional or overall life, called GUILT.

       

There’s no reason to abandon your dreams and no reason to let the intrusive, untruthful voice of your small self, lead you away from fulfilment and true happiness. Join us two Wednesdays for 1 and1/2 hours each. It’s easy, online and a powerful investment in your own power, happiness and fulfilment! Carpe Diem!

For more information or to register please visit www.inner-discovery.com; click on  “online workshops”. 

Abigail DeSoto
Transformational Coach & Psychosynthesis Guide, Teacher/Author

http://www.inner-discovery.com
 

http://innerdiscovery.blogspot.fr/

 

author/‘Nom de plume’- Olivia de Gage, L'Amour Déraisonné: Reclaiming Self, Transformational Teachings from Psychosynthesis and A Course in Miracles (2010) Psychosynthesis Press
http://www.amazon.com/LAmour-Deraisonne-Reclaiming-Olivia-DeGage/dp/0961144475
 

Life T.A.N.G.O.S.: The Dance of Life and the Reconciliation of Opposites

            How do we dance in this life of ours? We are reminded in popular parlance that life is not a dress rehearsal and we only get one chance (at least in this lifetime), and that chance is now!

Carpe Diem! Live in the present moment and live with awareness. Starting there, I ask again, how do you dance with what each moment offers you? Do you focus strongly on your desires and needs to ensure they are met and satisfied? Are you closer to the other extreme, focusing predominantly on the needs and desires of others and letting your own slip quietly under the carpet? Do you swing from one extreme to another, or have you learned the art of tacking (a sailing term for facing into the wind and moving from one side to another to allow your vessel to move forward)?

As we advance in life with accrued awareness, wisdom and (hopefully) patience, thanks to gifts and practices of psychosynthesis or other personal and spiritual paths of awakening, we become skillful at centering ourselves, returning to a position of ‘I’ –what Roberto Assagioli defined as a ‘center of pure self-awareness and will’. We step more easily into the role of the orchestra conductor, to acknowledge every orchestra player in our extended inner families (subpersonalities), and their way of moving with or against the world of polarities in which we live.

Through awareness we experience the irreconcilable opposites of our world where ‘both/and’ exists, not ‘either/or’. We realize much of what we flee or run towards, is part of an interrelated pair in need of both poles, like the inhale and exhale of our every breath, the vital force or “prana” as breath is called in Sanskrit. Instead of being caught in pendulum swings, we start to explore the ‘dance’ with irreconcilable opposites, such as a need for both solitude and community, desires to control, initiate and take action as well as stepping back, trusting and following. We learn that both effort and rest are necessary for well-being and fulfillment.

As part of this experiential awakening we become conscious that through projection we ultimately only ever push against our selves, or seek what we believe is outside us in the world, qualities such as acceptance, love, joy and peace. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American 19^th C poet who in later life spent years translating Dante’s Divine Comedy wrote, “not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves, are triumph and defeat.”

If you realized that every judgment you make against another person is an unconscious fear to acknowledge the knife of judging retribution you hold above your own head, would you be so quick to anger and harsh words…or thoughts?  What if you realized that self-acceptance is the realization you are what you seek, but have lost contact with that part of yourself?

Victor Frankl, author of Man’s search for Meaning, said: “my definition of success is total self -acceptance.” “Acceptare” in latin means to receive willingly. How willing are we to receive the lessons life sends us (through situations and relationships) to release anger, judgment and the need for outside approval? Freedom lies not in controlling events but in the choice and decision we make in how we dance with life. We can choose to confront, oppose, hate and argue with, or surrender, trust and open to lessons hidden in the flow of our experience. This does not mean we lie down to be walked upon, but it does mean learning to release judgment and criticism in favor of tuning to higher emotional frequencies such as kindness, allowing, compassion, and forgiveness.

As A Course in Miracles suggests, if Higher Self (ultimate Teacher and Guide), were standing beside a door to which forgiveness were the key, and to experience peace and freedom in your life all you needed were to give the key to Self to use, would you do it? *

*Extrapolated from Supplements to A Course in Miracles, The Song of Prayer, Foundation for Inner Peace

                                                                                                           

Abigail DeSoto, M.A.  Life T.A.N.G.O.S. and the Dance of Life - Sept.12-15th

NB I am offering my unique polarities exploration, Life T.A.N.G.O.S workshop this September at Kayser Ridge Retreat Center in West Virginia with the help of Cliff Kayser, from Polarities Partnerships LLC. For more information on how to dance with life and allow TANGOS-‘Trust’, ‘Alignment & Allowing’, ‘Non-Judgment’, ‘Grounding’, ‘Openness’ and ‘Surrender’ to support you in your dance with life’s polarities , visit www.inner-discovery.com  or email: discovery.transformation@gmail.com