Our Feelings - A Natural Barometer

In getting to know ourselves, what we want and don't want...where our "mission" is, and what our intuition is trying to tell us, we have the most amazing, foolproof, natural barometer...all of us...it's just a question of paying attention!

Our feelings, whether they are tingly, euphoric and positive, or whether they are "butterflies", nausea, or feelings of dread and depression, show themselves for a reason. Our intuition, "Higher Self"...whatever you want to call that part of you that knows what's good for you...i.e. YOU, speaks to us through our feelings. We have two choices: listen and pay attention...first learning to decipher "feelings-speak"...or, drown them out through activity, work, alcohol, drugs, or any other action that keeps us removed from this inner world of knowledge and guidance.

Two days ago I was planning to go on a short trip to see my sister in Virginia, and visit a historic landmark with a group of interesting scholars. The plan originally included spending the weekend, since it also necessitated a 3 hour drive. New and unexpected possiblities arrived in the meantime in the form of a gift trip to Seattle - a place I have wanted to visit for several years, and the new home of a brother I had not seen for 15 years, as well as the chance to meet (for the first time) his wife and my new 5-year old nephew!

Needless to say, I accepted the trip to Seattle with enthusiasm and delight, and was subsequently supposed to 'bag' the weekend on my first plan, but nonetheless drive down for the historic visit and dinner, stay the night, then drive back to D.C. directly to the airport to catch my plane to Seattle. All this amidst the backdrop of final, and somewhat complicated corrections for the publication of my first book...

Well, for no apparent reason, the evening before leaving for Virginia, I felt panic, a sense of intense anxiety and a strong resistance to going...I just did not want to go to the place in Virginia. I could not understand why not...I was looking forward to seeing my sister, the visit was also something I had been interested in doing for some time...I was more or less on target with my book...well, I could catch up when I returned from Seatttle, and take corrections with me..etc..

I tried rationalizing and hurried to get things done. Then my sister called, and as I poured out my situation on the phone, she said, "that's fine...don't come tomorrow; come the day of the event. Life is to be lived step by step..things come up." I felt immediate relief and relaxation in my body, an uplifting in my mood, as if an enormous problem had just been lifted from me. I was sure with one more day, I would be ready and happy to go.

Come the next day, I worked steadily at all I needed to do, taking only 1 hour to take my sweet dog for a walk, and to give myself a breath of fresh air and a break. But again as the evening progressed, the panic and anxiety returned and settled firmly in my body, like a heavy weight in the middle of my back. I tried everything to relax and let go, again the mental rationalization, hurrying, short meditations, and finally yoga. Nothing brought relief. So, finally I sat, and listened, and realized I did not want to go to Virginia. It was too much...it would have been fun, but things had developed in such a way that now I had other priorities on my plate and did not see why I should push myself. So I decided not to go.

My sister did not call until late, and I started with all my reasons why I could not come; she stopped me again saying: "you don't have to explain..it's OK." And that was that...I was no longer coming. We spoke of other things and I went to bed feeling lighter and relieved. When I let my little dog out for his nightly "peepee" I saw it had started to snow.

Later I awoke in the night, feeling the still, safe and transluent quiet of snow outdoors, and sure enough this morning awoke to several inches. But I did not have to push and shove and get going earlier than planned to fight the elements. I was able to relax, send my corrections, continue working peacefully, and process and understand many things I had been struggling with lately. I also saw that my tendency to explain every decision I make, stems from a past conditioning as a child where I always had to justify and explain myself. But today, as an adult I do not "have to" justify my decisions; it is OK.

In short, I have been able to take advantage of today to continue on the track I have determined is important in my life now. The back pain is gone. My sense of certainty has returned, and I am excited and organized to travel tomorrow to renew with my long lost brother, his new wife, and my unknown 5-year old nephew.

Amazing how guided and accompanied we are if we will only take the time to listen. Befriend and understand your feelings; they are an unparalleled barometer of what's going on deep within you. They can be the harbingers of success and happiness, as well as the heralds of bad health and inappropriate decisions.


Many blessings on your life's journey,
Abigail DeSoto
Psychosynthesis Guide & Transformational Coach
www.inner-discovery.com