Change is difficult, for all of us, but change is life...living, being alive, learning, daring and growing. Without change we stagnate, grow old, rigid, tense, and controlling, as we fight the flow.
I am presently on a journey both inner and outer. The outer is taking me around my 'home' country, the USA, but the inner journey is where things are really happening. I must admit feeling disappointed in the changes and ways of living I'm observing and experiencing during my time in America. As a nation it feels to me like we are spoiled teenagers, with so much abundance and possibility, but constantly jumping from one thing to another, with the attention span of a 2 year old. We crave and require permanent entertainment through images, noise, movement, food and drink. Trendy and sought out restaurants and bars in the NYC area are so noisy you can hardly hear the person sitting with you, and staff and employees are developing hearing disturbances from working there!
In my mind, we have become a society of softies, loaded down with stuff and weight. Are we any happier for it? It does not appear to be the case. We move unconsciously and like robots from one thing to the next, gorging ourselves on food, errands, work, activity of all kinds and "smart" phone texting or chatting. There seems little interest in true connection with another human being, or even one's dog- I have seen innumerable people dragging their dogs around on leashes while they talk on the phone, oblivious to the companionship and fun they could derive from their four-footed friend, with just a little attention. I find it rather sad.
What are we hoping to find on Facebook, iphones and constant movement that is not present where we are? That is the lesson I am asking myself as I travel. For me this trip was an exploration of 'home', what I ached for deeply inside like a place I felt I had lost. Yet, the more I travel, the more I realize, I am searching for illusions and dreams. Home is a place deep within us, if we can sit still long enough to re-connect with it; in the same way, love is not dependent on an outside experience or person, or place. Love is the very source of our being, but to be experienced, requires that we stop blindly searching for it in desperation outside ourselves.
Outer journeys reflect inner ones, and as I release expectations and judgment of the people and places I go, I feel easier, lighter, able to go with the flow. My trip is not what I hoped or dreamed for, but I am pleased I mustered the courage to take the first step and come. I am seeing a lot and realizing how very blessed and fortunate I am in my life, and the fortune I have to have grown up in the States. I hope we can all take the time to realize what abundant and fortunate lives we have at this moment, and to reach out in one way or another and try a new step. Adventure will be yours if you look deeply at what comes your way and seek to understand what lies beneath the surface and outer appearance.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Lao Tsu
www.inner-discovery.com
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Death and Detachment:Difficult Life Lessons
A few years ago in what I offered as my "Monthly Practice," I wrote about reflections on life, inspired by a Unitarian minister's sermon in Rockville, MD. She had said in life we are all on the Titanic; some of us preen and prance in 1st class, others get by or suffer in third. In the end we all go down. The sermon was not meant to be one of doom and gloom- the question was, "how do we live?
Two weeks ago today I lost the 'love of my life', my sweet, little, faithful Brownie. He was not robbed of life...he was aging and developing attributes many of us will be given: diminished eyesight, deafness, arthritis, and finally a life-taking illness, cancer. But, how did Brownie live? I answer you unwaveringly....with uncalculated joy, presence, patience, attention, and love. These were only some of the qualities he incarnated, and now that he is gone, I so desire to continue his legacy, to 'witness' these qualities in my own life. I want them to be my banner, and time will show the extent of my success.
But for today, two weeks after I buried my sweet little Brownie in the woods he so loved to walk, run in, and explore... always with curiosity, presence and pleasure...I feel mostly grief and anger at being 'robbed' of my teacher and inspiration in life, and my anchor to Love. Though my mind shouts firmly that bodies are only illusory, temporary vehicles of Spirit, my small sense of self shakes her little fist angrily at the heavens through blinding tears..."why my little Brownie? why now?"
It is never a right moment. Despite much exploration of standard, 'inherited' cultural beliefs, and work to develop a paradigm that supports and heals, despite years of psychosynthesis study and practice, therapy, yoga, prayer and meditation practices, the immense feelings of grief, sadness and injustice are there. No matter how true it may be that we are all Spirit, sustained and inspired by the Light or lifeforce-"prana" (as said in Sanskrit), a part of us remains tied (sometimes anchored) to the world of form and illusion (as both Buddhist teachings and A Course in Miracles refer to as this world).
The lessons are hard, ripping, and inevitable. Yet, returning to the question, "how do we live?" brings a fleeting smile to my face amidst the tears and heart-breaking pain. I see Brownie tearing madly around at the beach in a circle of great joy and glee, or frantically digging a hole in his sandbox, perhaps for the sheer joy of feeling the soft sand... I see him sitting patiently and attentively waiting for his supper when it was long overdue and late..I see him look at me silently for no apparent reason...and I know how blessed and privileged I have been.
I have experienced and known love in my life, in a package that an American Quaker explains I "could relate to, understand" and receive. How happy I am that I repeatedly told him over the years how much I loved him.
Brownie was put to sleep Wednesday, May 30, 2012 after a glorious, adventure-filled, loving 13 and 1/2 years with me, starting on a fateful day of abandoned animal adoptions in Paris early December 1998. Bless his little soul.
Two weeks ago today I lost the 'love of my life', my sweet, little, faithful Brownie. He was not robbed of life...he was aging and developing attributes many of us will be given: diminished eyesight, deafness, arthritis, and finally a life-taking illness, cancer. But, how did Brownie live? I answer you unwaveringly....with uncalculated joy, presence, patience, attention, and love. These were only some of the qualities he incarnated, and now that he is gone, I so desire to continue his legacy, to 'witness' these qualities in my own life. I want them to be my banner, and time will show the extent of my success.
But for today, two weeks after I buried my sweet little Brownie in the woods he so loved to walk, run in, and explore... always with curiosity, presence and pleasure...I feel mostly grief and anger at being 'robbed' of my teacher and inspiration in life, and my anchor to Love. Though my mind shouts firmly that bodies are only illusory, temporary vehicles of Spirit, my small sense of self shakes her little fist angrily at the heavens through blinding tears..."why my little Brownie? why now?"
It is never a right moment. Despite much exploration of standard, 'inherited' cultural beliefs, and work to develop a paradigm that supports and heals, despite years of psychosynthesis study and practice, therapy, yoga, prayer and meditation practices, the immense feelings of grief, sadness and injustice are there. No matter how true it may be that we are all Spirit, sustained and inspired by the Light or lifeforce-"prana" (as said in Sanskrit), a part of us remains tied (sometimes anchored) to the world of form and illusion (as both Buddhist teachings and A Course in Miracles refer to as this world).
The lessons are hard, ripping, and inevitable. Yet, returning to the question, "how do we live?" brings a fleeting smile to my face amidst the tears and heart-breaking pain. I see Brownie tearing madly around at the beach in a circle of great joy and glee, or frantically digging a hole in his sandbox, perhaps for the sheer joy of feeling the soft sand... I see him sitting patiently and attentively waiting for his supper when it was long overdue and late..I see him look at me silently for no apparent reason...and I know how blessed and privileged I have been.
I have experienced and known love in my life, in a package that an American Quaker explains I "could relate to, understand" and receive. How happy I am that I repeatedly told him over the years how much I loved him.
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